White Day

Today (March 14th) is White Day in Japan.

White Day is one of the more bizarre Japanese inventions. I've mentioned it a couple times before in this blog, but it's probably worth repeating to keep everyone up to speed.

Way back in the 1950s, or whenever Western Holidays were being imported into Japan, someone managed to convince all the Japanese women that on Valentine's Day instead of receiving flowers and being treated to a nice night out, it was their job to buy gifts for all the men in their lives. (How they pulled this off I have no clue, but men all over the world should be taking notes on Japan).

The florist companies and the greeting companies must have been sleeping, because the chocolate companies got a jump on the advertising and managed to stake Valentine's Day out as an official chocolate day, where women have to go out and buy expensive boxes of chocolate for their boyfriends, husbands, and co-workers. ("Duty Chocolate" as it has come to be known here).

And everything was nice and peaceful. Until several years later the confectionery companies got greedy, and started an advertising campaign for men to return the gift a month later with some sort of white chocolate or marshmallow cake. And thus "White Day" was born.

The strange thing is that most Japanese people are completely oblivious to the fact that White Day originated in Japan, and think that, along with a lot of the other recent holidays, it was imported from America. Over the years I've wasted untold hours of my life explaining over and over again that we don't celebrate White Day in America. (This is especially curious since, according to Wikipedia, White Day wasn't established until 1980. So it's not exactly an ancient tradition lost in the mists of time).

Unfortunately because of the belief that it is an American tradition, I don't get any grace for screwing it up. And I manage to screw it up every year.

My first year in Japan it took me completely off guard (like most things did my first year). On Valentine's Day I received a nice box of chocolate from the pretty librarian who worked in the same building I did. I was very pleased with this because I liked chocolate, and because I thought she was quite cute and was trying to work up the courage to ask her out.

Then "White Day" came around and she asked me why I hadn't returned her gift. I didn't know I was supposed to, but when all my co-workers let me know I had blown it, I went to the store the next day to try and find something nice.

The previous couple days the stores had all been filled with beautifully wrapped boxes of White Day chocolate on display, but one day after White Day they had all promptly disappeared. So instead I got a regular everyday 50 cent vanilla chocolate bar to give to her.

Since it was so obviously an unimpressive gift, I tried to make a joke about it. "Here you are. This is very expensive chocolate. Very expensive. Why don't you believe me?" But it was too little too late. After that my relationship with her went down hill.

In an effort to try and cover all my bases, I bought a chocolate bar for her co-worker, the other young pretty librarian in the city. Which just created more awkwardness. "You weren't supposed to buy me anything," her coworker said. "White Day is when you return gifts from Valentine's Day. I didn't get you anything for Valentine's Day, so you're not supposed to get my anything for White Day."

"Oh," I said. "Well, look, I already bought the chocolate, so why don't you just take it anyway." Or something like that.

Over the years my smoothness has not increased. Last year for Valentine's Day, Shoko asked where her present was. "What?" I said. "In Japan the man doesn't have to give anything on Valentine's Day."

"But you're American," Shoko said.

"But this is Japan," I countered.

Shoko sighed. "Okay, fair enough," she answered.

One month later White Day came around. "What did you get me for White Day?" Shoko asked.

I had completely forgotten. "What?" I said. "White Day is a Japanese holiday. I'm an American." Oh boy was that not a smart move on my part. I still haven't lived that down.

This year Shoko decided to take things into her own hands. She let me know far in advance of White Day that she would be expecting a present this year. And she even let me know what to get her. (Instead of chocolate she told me I could buy her a couple CDs, some flowers, and take her out to dinner).

Shoko also took control of my other gifts. She made sure I kept track of what students and friends gave me what for Valentine's Day, and returned all the gifts with White Day presents of equal or greater value.

A few days ago she was double checking with me to make sure I remembered everything. "Remember to get gifts for Aya, Chiaki, and Maya," she said. "What about Ms. Tanaka? Did she get you anything?"

"Um..." I said.

"What?"

"Hold on, I'm thinking."

"Argh! I knew this would happen. Didn't I specifically tell you to remember this year?"

"Wait, don't get angry. Yeah, maybe she did. Yeah, I'm sure she did." To be honest I had no clue, but I figured if in doubt it was better to error on the side of getting a gift.

I talked to my Australian co-worker the next day at work. "Which students did we get chocolate from?"

"Let's see, we got chocolate from Makiko, Satoko, and I think from Nahoko."

"Did we get chocolate from Ayako?"

"I don't remember."

"Damn it man! Think!" I said. "If we return all the other student's gifts, but forget her, then it will be a huge faux pas. But if we get her something and it turns out she never gave us anything, then all the students will be expecting a gift."

Like all gift chocolate, White Day chocolate consists of incredibly overpriced pieces of chocolate that are sold inside elaborately wrapped boxes which, when you finally get passed all the wrapping, consist of about 6 incredibly tiny pieces of chocolate that taste more or less the same as ordinary chocolate. It's a huge scam. And at about the equivalent of $6-$10 a box of chocolate, it's a huge dent in the wallet. I think I'm close to spending more money on White Day this year than I spent on Christmas.

And the kicker, when I thought about it, was that I didn't even enjoy the Valentine's Day chocolate I got all that much. It tasted all right, but it was the kind of expensive chocolate you feel guilty for even eating. "There goes another $2," you think with every bite.

Plus I got in a lot of trouble for eating my Valentine's Day chocolate. Shoko, at one point in the evening said, "You've eaten enough chocolate for the day. You're too fat already." (I don't think I'm all that fat by American standards, but it has been made very clear to me by several people that I'm getting fat by Japanese standards).

I abided by this for a little while, but I was in the middle of a marathon Japanese study session, and as every studier knows there's nothing like a little chocolate to give you the energy to keep on going when you get a little tired. So I reached for another piece.

"I said you've had enough," Shoko said.

"I'm an adult, I'm 29 years old, and I want the freedom to have another piece of chocolate," I said. And I did. And I spent roughly the next week paying for it.

That extra piece of chocolate ended up being one of those small things that turns into a huge fight. And then gets brought up repeatedly throughout the next week as an example of how the other person always turns small things into huge fights. And debates about who is responsible for always turning small things into huge fights. And ends up causing even more fights. Until you're sorry you ever laid eyes on the chocolate.

Hopefully my White Day presents won't cause any fights like that. But I'm sure it will ruin people's diets, and cause many of them to feel guilty about eating it, and cause others to secretly plot ways of getting rid of it. In the end it's a whole lot of money spent without making anyone really happy. The whole custom is a huge excuse for people to just throw money down the drain for the sake of keeping up appearances. (Much like every other commercialised holiday I guess. Don't even get me started about Christmas.)

....While I'm at it, I've always hated Valentine's Day back in America as well. If you were single on Valentine's Day (which I usually was) it was just like society was kicking you while you were down and making you feel more lonely. And if you had a girlfriend, then there was some huge pressure to produce this unbelievable romantic evening, that most guys could never live up to. It's amazing how much effort, time and money we as a society to make ourselves miserable.

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