My Reputation in Japan

These kind of posts are always dangerous, because I don’t know what people say behind my back. I only know what they say to my face, and that’s not really honest.

It’s especially not honest among the Japanese, who consider are notorious for never directly articulating their true feelings. So I won’t even try to guess what they think, and I’ll just focus on the foreign community.

1). For whatever reason, I have a reputation for not swearing. Often people around me will catch themselves swearing, and then apologize to me. I’m always like, “Dude, I don’t care. Honestly.”
And when I do swear, other people usually acted shocked. “Did you just swear? I don’t think I ever heard you swear before.”
I think I swear a lot. But maybe I don’t swear as much as I think I do. I suppose maybe unconsciously I might censor myself around people I don’t know.
And I guess I haven’t worked it as naturally into my speech patterns as a lot of other people. I tend to swear to punctuate or emphasize what I want to say, instead of naturally working it into my speech rhythms like “Fuck Patois” (as Tom Wolfe would say).

While I’m on the subject, it seems to me among the foreign community, Brits tend to use “Fuck Patois” a lot more than us Americans. That’s just my impression though, and I’d be interested in the thoughts of anyone else who has spent time abroad.
(This does, however, remind me of one of my Eion’s favorite stories. A bunch of JETs were at an English camp for high school students, and one of the Japanese teachers was addressing the JETs and said, “Remember to wear your jackets because it’s fucking cold out here.” Everyone fell about laughing. Later the teacher asked, “Why did everyone laugh when I said that? When I lived in the student dormitories in England, that was a very common use word.”)

Anyway, I’m spending too much time on this one. Onto the next point…

2). I’ve developed a reputation as a messy bastard. No surprise to those of you who know me, but the odd thing is that up here almost no one has seen my place. I don’t do a lot of entertaining, and when I do I usually clean before hand. I think this reputation has developed entirely because of the stories I tell about myself. Which I like to think reflects well on my honesty. I could have been telling everyone I was a clean saint.

Come to think of it, a lot of people seem pre-disposed to believe that anyway. When I’m telling stories about my apartment, sometimes people say, “Really? You seem like the kind of person who would be really neat and tidy. You just have that personality.”

3). I’ve developed the reputation of being stingy and really miserly with my money. This isn’t true. I wish it were true, but it isn’t. If it was true, I maybe would have saved a lot more money over the course of my time in Japan.
So how did I develop this reputation? Part of it is because of the incredible amount of distance I am willing to walk to get free parking in the city. (Doesn’t bother me, I like walking and parking adds up). And I think there have been a couple of times I complained about the cost of a restaurant we went to.
Also, I refuse to go to the cinema unless we can go to the late show. (In Japan, late show is cheap, matinee is expensive—opposite of back home). Several of my friends live far away from the cinema, and can’t get the last train back if we see the late show. This causes frustration as well.


4). Among some of my better friends, I’ve developed a reputation for rudeness. The joke is that we should all make T-shirts that describe our personalities, and my shirt would read, “I am abrupt, and sometimes rude.”

Is it deserved? I tend to think a couple incidents just got exaggerated, and then the reputation developed a life of its own, and it is hard to get out of. But my friends might see it differently.

There have been complaints that I am too direct. I often refuse requests by simply saying, “No”, instead of something like, “I’m sorry, that’s a little difficult,” or something like that.

I like to think that among good friends some of these niceties can be dropped, but I guess not everyone feels that way.

5). I’ve developed a reputation for passive-aggressiveness in order to get what I want.
Example:
Friend: Let’s eat at the Ramen shop.
Me: Oh, Ramen? Are you sure? There’s a really good pizza shop just down the street. But we can eat at the Ramen shop if you want to.
Friend: Uh, okay, Pizza is good too.
Me: Are you sure? We can eat at the Ramen shop if you want.
Friend: No, no, Pizza is okay.

Actually this reputation is probably pretty fair. I think I really do talk like this a lot.

6). I’ve developed a reputation for talking about politics or the news a lot. Again, probably no surprise, and again this is also deserved. I had the same reputation back in Oita.
One friend in particular always says, “I know so little about you. You never talk about yourself. All you do is talk about the news.”
On the other hand I have this blog which is almost all about me and very little politics. Go figure.

7). Some people think I’m a health nut. I’m not, but I tend to go on health binges. I’ll have candy bars and potato chips for lunch, and then I’ll feel guilty and try and find the healthiest thing on the menu for dinner. Thus I tend to order a lot of vegetable platters, salads, and V8 juice when I’m out with my friends, and they think I’m a super health nut. (My not drinking probably adds to this reputation).

I had the same thing back at Calvin. I remember Rob once saying to me, “I used to think you were the healthiest guy in the world, until I started living with you and seeing what you’re diet was actually like.”

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