If You Want to Make God Laugh...

Alternate Title: Why I Suck So Much
My friend Rob has a saying, "If you want to make God laugh, just tell him what your plans are."

Its a fun little saying and I get a kick out of it...Until I get to a situation when it actually applies. And then it doesn't seem so cute anymore.

Case in Point: This Winter vacation I was planning on going back to America and bringing Shoko with me. As I wrote previously I always have mixed feelings about these trips back, but I was really looking forward to Shoko being there.

For example one that 13 hour plane ride back home I would at least have some company. And during the long boring weekday afternoons when all my friends were working I would have Shoko to hang out with.

Not to mention the benefits of returning with a beautiful Japanese girl on my arm. And Shoko really is a lovely person. She's energetic and bubbly and has a real happy personality. (Occasionally laughs to much at her own jokes, but no one is perfect.) And as for her limited English, it would be just an excuse for me to show off my Japanese. I was thinking this year with Shoko accompanying me I would be able to return to America in style. Headline reads, "International Man of Mystery Returns Home with Japanese Beauty."

But then Shoko got sick right before we were supposed to fly out. She has lower back problems, which act up from time to time, aggrevated by a bit of the flu flown in. She called me saying she wasn't going to make it after all.

And suddenly, the whole picture changes. The headline now reads "Local loser in late 20's Returns Home to Hang Out With Married Friends". After all, here I was, almost 28 and still without a serious job, hanging around with my hands in my pockets saying "nope, nothing new over with me. Still doing the same job. Finish in March but I haven't a clue what I'm doing with my life after that." Many of my friends from college are married, some even have kids now, and a lot of them wouldn't be free to hang out with me. I started to remember incidents like when I returned two years ago, and my former roommates didn't even stop their poker game to say hi to me. I would spend two weeks on the phone begging people to hang out with me, even though I had been forgotten by everyone and their lives had moved on.

In fact I started to think, "Why am I even going back anyway? I'm going to be back in March permanently, and that's just around the corner. Why didn't I take this last holiday to go to Thailand like many of my JET friends are doing?"

So, I did what any good boyfriend would do. I guilt tripped Shoko into coming.

Pretty pathetic I know. But here's the thing: If she had been like, "Fuck me, I absolutely can't move a muscle, there's no way I could possibly make it..." (She wouldn't have used that kind of language, but you know what I mean). Then what could I have said to that but, "Well, okay, see you when I get back to Japan then."

But instead it was just a serious of what seemed to be small excuses: "I'm really worried I would just be a burden to your family if I was sick, and if you lived in a warm place it wouldn't be so bad but Michigan is so cold it would just make my flu worse. The 13 hour plane ride is going to be really bad for my back... et cetera."

So I said, "Listen, my family won't care, honestly. You can just relax the whole time you are here. As for the cold, we have this thing called 'Central heating' in America. You'll love it. You'll be warmer in Michigan than you would be in Japan. And you don't have to do anything on the plane. You just sit there. It won't be any problem. You've already bought the plane tickets, and we've been planning this for months, and besides I haven't seen you since August and I was really looking forward to this."

She persisted in her reluctance, so finally I just said coldly, "You just have so many excuses, don't you?"

And what could she do after that but agree to come.

I felt bad of course. The next day I called her up to say she didn't really have to come if she was worried about her health, but she was already on the bus to the airport at that point, so it was a little late. Besides she was feeling slightly better.

I think in the end it is good she decided to come and I'm sure she had a great time, but after having slept a night on it I'm pretty ashamed of having guilt tripped her into it. And (as I'm sure you've been thinking as you've been reading this), if I need the girl along to feel confident about meeting old friends, than that makes me the biggest loser of all. I'm really going to work in the future on not sucking quite so much.

Oh yeah, and I'm back in GR now, so give me a call if your around. I'd call you, but its so hard keeping track of everyone's new numbers when you've been gone for a year. I'm at my parents house still, same number as always (dig out the old Calvin Bod books).

Shoko's around as well. She's not on top form, so she's sleeping and resting a lot. I can (and have) been going out socially while she's sleeping, but trying to be a good host as well. Somewhat inconvenient, but I'm the one who created this situation

Link of the Day
Of course when I talk about old friends I'm talking in general terms. There are those few good friends who the passage of time and life changes never seems to affect anything, and Brett is one of those people for me. But he also has a good post on the awkwardness of meeting old friends.