As I mentioned before, I am a fan of Freddie Deboer's subscriber writing links.
He's got a new batch up now, and from that batch, this one in particular spoke to me: What Does "Autistic" Even Mean? Social atrophy, late bloomers, becoming well-adjusted
For now I'm just going to bookmark it here. Along with this post here. At some point, I may come back to these posts if I decide I want to write more about this in the future.
On one hand, it's tiresome to see people hate on "normies" when whatever about them suggest they are the "normies" themselves. Using solely the word "autist", to call authors with some excessive focus on some niches or aspects, is just having limited vocabular to describe things or people, and yet people do it everywhere - maybe time to find some new words. On the other hand, people are still trying to find precise words to describe their own internal issues, like saying they have depression..
ReplyDeleteWould love to know what does the author mean by "social rejection". Does that include being called out for chiming in with a laugh ("Why are you even laughing? Do you even know what people are laughing about?")? Does that include being badmouthed once you left the room for trying to act all excessively formal? And given that all that happened due to me trying to go out of my way to socialize (or to gain social skills), shouldn't that imply the opposite of what people should advise people to do?
I find it intriguing, people from everywhere have always talked about learning how to "socialize" or "harmonize" with other people - as if there were some supposed ladders or skills you managed to climb up or gain like you learn mathematics. Growing up is seeing the lack of any skill among the adults who are older than I am: the inability to verbalize the message without constant stuttering, the tendency to be constantly loud, the grotesque love to make other people uncomfortable and take pleasure out of it, the lack of empathy or understanding from another viewpoint (but then again is empathy even a social skill? maybe scratch this one), the inability to get to the point quick, the measure of retorting against any criticism at all with animal slurs (unless the author insists those who throw insults know how to socialize better than other people), the excessive kow-towing attitude and sweet-talking when it's uncalled for (while being absolutely harsh to one's own family), the inability to have any meaningful conversation that doesn't ultimately boil down to stroking one's own ego, etc.
...and they all were supposed to be more well-adjusted than people like myself, since they socialize and converse a lot, whereas people like myself don't.
Although it's fair to mention you don't have to have neurodivergent issues to have trouble finding people to communicate with. Everybody does, the "normies" themselves as well.
Still, lovely to have people like my sister to give me some imperative order to make friends like I'm some animal - funny because in many ways she was one of the causes of the issue.
To make clear to readers, my comment isn't saying: "It sucks because I can't make friends, but people make it like it's my fault".
ReplyDeleteIt's saying: "I don't want to socialize, but people force me to do it, which is worse than not socializing at all".
Somebody may say "yet I see you and your ilks complaining incessantly online". Excuse me, but since when did complaints about perceived societal dysfunctions implied a need for advice? Not having really keen eyes, whoever conflate both.
Also, inability to look at other people's faces when I got to high school and inability to handle groups is something I don't see normal people have at all. And even if the roots of the issues aren't innate, I don't see "trying to socialise more" would solve, if not worsen them - judging by my own experience. Anybody got their fear solved, of pressing on the wrong light or fan switches before groups of people, thanks to being laughed and sneered at yet? Is the inability to stay put and keep wandering around maybe repeatedly to some places to the point of annoying people something you can socialise your way out?
ReplyDeleteAlthough the hard to resist urge to press on any button at all could be an endearing quirk :)
(Wow I'm bragging about my own issues now - but then again I have never hated them, as much as other people hate me for having them though.)