The Perils of Dating a Foreigner

Because of small town gossip, Shoko doesn’t tell a lot of people she’s dating an American. But occasionally with close friends she can trust, she’ll tell stories about me.

One of these friends said to her, “You’re foreign boyfriend sounds like the foreign boyfriend in the book, ‘My Darling is a Foreigner’.”

The book (and it’s sequel ‘My Darling is a Foreigner 2’) have both been best sellers in Japan. Actually, strictly speaking it is a comic book, but in Japan comic books are not something relegated to adolescent boys, but actually the preferred literary medium for all ages and sexes. So a best selling comic book has the same cultural significance as a best selling book would over here.

As the title implies, the book is an autobiographical tale of a Japanese woman who describes for the rest of the nation what it is like to date one of these mythical foreign creatures.

In fact the very title of the book is very indicative of Japanese attitudes. Instead of “My Darling is an American,” or “My Darling is Italian,” the book is simply titled, “My Darling is a Foreigner,” as is there were only two types of people in the world, Japanese, and Foreigners.

Shoko, after having been told that I resembled the foreigner in this book, decided to read it for herself. And she was amazed by the similarities.

“Japanese people like to stereotype,” she admitted to me. “So some Japanese people might read this book and think it applies to all foreigners. I don’t think that. But I do think it applies to you.”

Apparently the foreigner depicted in this book loved to talk about politics and social issues so much that he seemed incapable of normal small talk. At one point the author says to herself, “It’s good to talk about big issues, but it would be nice to have some normal conversation once in a while as well.”

The Foreigner is also perpetually distracted. He is always thinking of something else other than what he is doing at the time. If he is going on a walk or eating dinner or talking to someone, his mind is always wandering onto other topics.

Shoko thought this applied to me as well. When I was visiting her in Kyushu a couple weeks ago, we were talking when she abruptly asked me what I was thinking about. “Nothing,” I said. “I’m just talking to you.”

“But you’re always thinking of other things when you’re talking to me,” she said. “You’re just like that foreigner in the book.”

In truth I had been thinking about the movie I had seen the previous night, but I was reluctant to admit that so I said, “Well, us Americans are always thinking. We like to think. That’s why all the best inventions come from America.”

A brief debate about who was smarter, Japanese or Americans, followed that comment. Shoko again made reference to the book. The foreigner in the book, even though he was always thinking about big issues, lacked the ability to do simple things like work the washing machine, or figure out the train schedule. Comparisons were again made to me.

On a slightly different note, I thought this story was also amusing and informative about Japanese attitudes. Like I mentioned above, Shoko does her best to keep me a secret but sometimes, despite her best efforts, the secret gets out. Like one time she was drinking with some friends from work. One of them, after becoming intoxicated, lost his sense of discretion and told the others that Shoko was dating a foreigner. Shoko scolded him, but it was too late. The others had a good laugh about it. “Is he black?” one of them asked.

“No, he’s not,” Shoko replied.
“That’s too bad. It would have been even funnier if he was black.”